The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People by David Niven Ph.D

Author:David Niven, Ph.D. [David Niven]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780061739286
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2003-11-10T16:00:00+00:00

In the name of being agreeable, some people try to avoid areas that might cause dissension. But with our loved ones, this strategy sometimes makes us uncomfortable. We can feel unappreciated because we have made a sacrifice but nobody thanks us for it. Sometimes we feel angry because this problem doesn’t go away. Raise the subject of your disagreement, but do so lovingly and constructively, not with anger or aggression.

Mary is a hairdresser. Her sister Kim is a banker. Normally, this is of little importance to Mary. But Mary’s mother introduces her daughters to friends this way: “Mary’s a hairdresser. Her sister’s a banker, though.” Inside it burns Mary every time. Why does her mother have to focus on her daughters’ occupations and then say it in a way that makes it sound like she’s disappointed in Mary’s work?

Inevitably, when Mary visits her mother, her mother complains that Mary is unfriendly or “too down.” She never considers that it is her own comments that put Mary in that state.

Mary finally explained how her mother’s words felt to her, and her mother said she had no idea. She was proud of both of her daughters, and she didn’t intend to make it seem that her daughters’ occupations were what mattered to her.

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